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This week

• HEALTH: It's no joke -- your marriage really can make you sick. But it's not what you think...
• MARRIAGE: If you think courting is the first step to finding a spouse, think again. This ignored step can spell the difference between a failed relationship and a successful one -- even if you're courting...
• FINANCE: Getting married can present a financial maze. Here's one bad turn you can avoid with a little smart shopping...
• PARENTING: If you want your children to be leaders, make sure they understand the importance of this biblical principle...
• SUCCESS: Your family background and personal baggage don't have to hold you back. This is much more important in determining success and failure...
• Great leaders find a way to do this whether they win or lose. It's a big reason most of us still know this man's name -- even though he lost the biggest battle of his life...
• When everything seems to be falling apart, ask God if this is why...

“The Bible teaches that Christians are totally different from anyone else.” -  
Peter Jeffery, Evangelicals Then and Now (Buy Now)

Marriage and Relationships

The First Step to Successful Dating/Courting – And What Married Couples Can Learn From It

If you’re anything like me, you learned a lot about dating and marriage from the world. The ways of the world are so enticing. They feel so good they just can’t be wrong. But when you tried them, you discovered that the world’s idea of dating causes a lot more broken relationships than it does successful ones.

As Christians, we know that broken relationships are a tragedy. Someone always gets hurt. And those wounds often leave deep scars. It happens so frequently today that many of us have become battle hardened. As a result, some run away from relationships. But some people actually develop cravings for the battle. That’s why we have such problems with perversions and criminal acts today.

The world tells us that the physical side of the relationship should come first. Even the way we find relationships is based on physical attraction, sizing each other up, and I’ve even heard people talk about the other person’s smell. It gets pretty ridiculous.

But there is a better way. And it starts with how we handle relationships with the opposite gender from the very beginning.

Many Christians have turned to courting instead of dating because of how it encourages two people to get to know each other. But even courting has its problems. I know many people who have the same scars from courting as others get from dating.

Why? Because courting has behind it a purpose – marriage. When that purpose isn’t fulfilled, there’s a broken relationship, wounds, and scars.

Courting is a great way to move through the period between friendship and engagement. But too many people take short cuts through friendship because of a deep desire to be connected to someone else.

But doing so can be a disaster. The friendship phase of a relationship should be the longest phase. It’s a time to get to know the other person. Find out what their likes and dislikes are. How they respond to different problems. Do they solve problems biblically? Are they willing to compromise in areas that you aren’t. And it’s a great time to evaluate without any pressure of dating/courting, engagement, or marriage. Thoughts about these can easily skew our judgment.

Spending a lot of time in the friendship phase doesn’t always guarantee successful relationships. There is no perfect formula when it comes to fallen people. But it can help you keep things in their proper perspective and protect you from too many deep battle scars. It also lays a super foundation for your relationship with the one you do end up marrying.

And whether you’re married or still single, remember that you should always base your friendships on service (serving your friends) and building them up in the Lord. Married couples often say their spouse is their best friend, but then turn around and tear them down at every opportunity. That’s the world’s view of relationships. Avoid it!

– Steve Kroening

Parenting

How to Teach Your Children to Be Godly Leaders

Much is written today about teaching children to become leaders. This is especially true for middle school ages on up. But parents have an exceptional opportunity to teach one of the most important lessons a leader must learn. It is the lesson of stewardship. And the better you teach your young children how to be good stewards, the more likely they’ll become godly leaders when they’re older.

The biblical notion of stewardship is often used to express the idea that people are not the ultimate owner of the material things of this life. Those things come from God. However, God has placed upon mankind the duty and obligation to look after things in His created world. This idea of man as caretaker, exercising responsible management of resources, is behind the meaning of stewardship. But the word has a wider application.

While stewardship itself is biblical in origin, and therefore carries with it a certain spiritual connotation, your children need to find out what it means in practical detail. They need to understand how it works in day-to-day life. Only then will your children know if they’re acting as a true steward the way God intended.

There are several ingredients that make up the idea of stewardship. The first of these is responsibility.

If you take two of the key passages in Scripture where the concept of stewardship is explained, you’ll see very clearly that stewardship requires responsibility. “And the Lord said, ‘Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his master will make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of food in due season?’” (Luke 12:42)

Here you see that the steward is one who is given areas of his master's activities over which he is to exercise some kind of management. In fact, due to his diligence in his work, he is given increasing responsibilities.

Once you understand that God requires responsibility, it’s easy to figure out how to apply it. Simply ask some important questions. What am I responsible for at work? What am responsible for at home? What am I responsible for at my church?

You soon end up with a list. It may be short or long, that’s not the issue here. What is important to know is what God has made you (or your child) responsible for.

And sometimes it’s good to take an inventory of the things that you’re responsible for. You know how easy it is for your kids to let things slip through the cracks, so a checklist of what they’re responsible for is a must. It will make it very clear what their responsibilities are. And it will put those responsibilities in front of them daily. It also takes away the “I forgot” excuse.

Next week, we’ll look at another aspect of what it takes to teach your children to be good stewards and, thus, good leaders.

– Ian Hodge

Success

How Your Past Can Hold You Back From Real Success – And What to Do About It

Have you ever thought you can’t do great things for the Lord because your family history is so awful? Does it seem like only those people raised in Christian families – and who don’t have a blemished past – can really make an impact on God’s Kingdom? If you’ve ever thought these types of thoughts, I’ve got great news for you.

The Bible tells us anyone – whether they’ve been raised right or not – can have a powerful impact on the world. The key isn’t your past, though God can use it to His glory. The key is in how highly you view God and His Word.

You see, God is a big God. He’s not limited by your past. And he’s not limited by your upbringing. But Satan wants you to think otherwise.

Satan knows that the bigger your view of God is, the more likely you are to trust God.

The more capable you view God to be, the more you’re able to rest in His sovereignty – which makes you far more likely to obey Him in the tough times and experience His abundant grace.

I saw this first hand a few years ago when I taught a college-age Sunday school class. It gave me great joy to teach these young adults some principles that could be used all their lives for good. Sunday after Sunday, they would show up and listen intently to Bible accounts of real people and how God had intervened in their lives. One of their favorite characters was Josiah.

Josiah’s father, Amon, was not godly; his grandfather, Mannasseh, was wicked. In fact, the bible says he was even more evil than the pagans. Yet Josiah was godly. How could that have come about?

Josiah began to reign at the tender age of eight. Obviously, he had godly guidance during that time. At the age of 16, he stood on his own faith and began to seek the Lord with his whole heart. This devotion to God led Him, at the age of 20 (12th year of his reign) to purge Jerusalem of idolatry.

During the 18th year of his reign, Hilkiah, the high priest, found the book of the law of God during extensive repair of the temple. Just as in our day, the truth of the Word of God is often lost in our churches amidst the many activities. As the word of God was read to Josiah, he humbled himself before the Lord for his sins and the sins of the nation. He reinstituted the Passover and brought many wonderful reforms to the land. The secret of his passion for God was his reverence and obedience to God’s Word. He was also greatly influenced by the prophet Jeremiah throughout his life. (II Chronicles 34:1-7)

The reason the young adults loved this historical account so much was the hope that it gave them of God’s intervention in their own frail lives. Many of them did not come from godly homes. They could not go to their parents for biblical counsel and needed an anchor in an unstable world. This anchor they saw clearly was available to anyone … it was the Word of God. Josiah’s high regard for God’s word was rewarded by great wisdom. He faithfully led the nation of Israel for 31 years. Upon his death, the whole nation felt the loss of this beloved king.

With God and His Word as their anchor, these collegians had the confidence to do what they felt God was leading them to do. Their confidence wasn’t in themselves. And it wasn’t in their parents. It was in God. And they knew He was unshakable.

“Thy words were found and I ate them and thy words became for me ... a joy ... and the delight of my heart. – Jeremiah 15:16

– Gladys Villnow

Wisdom From History

General Robert E. Lee’s Faith Helped Him Set the Example

Journalists called him Granny Lee and Evacuating Lee. He was overcareful, fearful and unfit, they declared. All this because Gen. Robert E. Lee forced Southern troops to fight from behind barricades starting in 1862.

Lee's wife, Mary, was outraged at the criticism. She wanted to write harsh letters to the newspapers. Lee asked her to ignore the insults.

He said it was better to go steadily in the discharge of duty to the best of our ability, leaving all else to the calmer judgment of the future and to a kinder Providence.

The Virginia native proved right. Lee (1807-70) is regarded as one of the top military leaders of all time. Dwight Eisenhower lauded Lee for his selfless dedication to duty. Winston Churchill called Lee one of the noblest Americans who ever lived, and one of the greatest captains known to the annals of war.

How did he do it? First of all, Lee led by example.

When he took command of Confederate forces in 1862, he received an army of beaten-down troops from Gen. Joseph Johnston. But Lee did not bully his men into shape.

* Lee trained himself to be in top physical shape. Before the war, he had ridden 10 miles a day, hiked, rowed, high jumped and swum…

* He gave orders calmly and quietly…

* He also urged his men to come to him with problems…

* Lee even led his troops for months after suffering what may have been a heart attack.

* Once, overcome by severe stomach pains, he guided his army from the back of an ambulance…

* Lee also insisted upon living as humbly as his troops did….

At first, Lee's troops were leery of his military abilities. Lee had ordered them to build barricades – called breastworks – and fight from behind them. It seemed strange to his men to do this rather than face off with the Northern forces.

His soldiers were initially offended by this… They believed that gentlemen should not hide behind piles of dirt to fight.

But Lee was ahead of his time. He knew the value of defensive works. So, soon his soldiers found out that this strategy enabled them to balance out the North's superior strength and numbers...

Lee refused to let his troops pillage, even though Union foes brutally sacked his native state. Northern Gen. John Pope ordered a pillaging campaign, during which his troops shot colts, horses, mules and oxen, and destroyed Virginians’ crops.

But Lee reminded his troops, “It must be remembered that we make war only on armed men, and that we cannot take vengeance for the wrongs our people have suffered without lowering ourselves.” Foragers caught red-handed were forced to pay for what they took…

Lee showed by example the advice he gave his children: “Live in the world you inhabit. Look upon things as they are. Take them as you find them. Make the best of them. Turn them to your advantage.”

– Susan Vaughn

(Excerpted from “Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee,” Investor’s Business Daily, April 15, 1999)

Word for the Wise

Feeling Like Everything in Life Is Against You? This Could Be Why…

"Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I keep Your word."  Psalm 119:67

Astray – When you hear those words, “I went astray,” what do you think about – guilt?  It’s fairly obvious that something is wrong with the straying life.  David contrasts it with a life that keeps God’s commandments.  So, there’s no question that the life that strays is sinful.  But David’s choice of words here is important because it tells us something about the motivation of the one who is afflicted.  This word (shagag) is used of inadvertent sin, not intentional sin.  God’s affliction shows up to get me to wake up.  This is not judgment.  It is announcement.  When I suddenly realize that things are falling apart, God is helping me come to terms with life choices that I didn’t realize were at issue.  Affliction focuses my attention and then I understand. “Oh, Lord, now I see.  I was wrong but I just didn't know it.”

Now we can understand why the verse does not say, “Before God judged me.”  Judgment and punishment follow intentional sin.  Intentional sin assumes that I know the right thing to do and rebelliously do the wrong thing just because I can.  The mark of a rebellious man is the affirmation that he did it because he could.  God judges rebellion.  But God brings affliction on those who didn't know they were missing the mark and needed to have their vision corrected.

Before God corrected my understanding of His law, I unintentionally sinned against Him.  It was still sin.  It was no less serious.  It still stood between my Lord and me.  But He didn’t smash me to the ground.  He didn’t hurl me into darkness.  He didn’t destroy me.  He brought affliction, suffering that allowed me time to see my ways and make corrections.  He was gracious.  I might have deserved something far worse but God never acts without compassion and mercy.  He understands my plea, “But I didn’t know.”

There is a story we must remember.  Genesis 20 is a great example of sinning without knowing and the merciful character of God.  Read it sometime soon. 

Of course, once you know, things change.  You can’t go astray with the same sin twice.  The second time around God uses a different tactic.  But if you’re like David, the first time is enough for you to say, “now I keep your Word.”

– Skip Moen

(Ed. Note: Skip Moen, PhD, is the president of At God’s Table and the author of Words to Lead By.)

Resources

Evangelicals Then and Now, Peter Jeffery, Evangelical Press (Buy Now)

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